By: Dr. JoAnn Santiago
February is often celebrated as the “month of love,” but we rarely talk about something equally real: love also affects our biology, emotions, and mental health. Falling in love can be energizing, inspiring, and even therapeutic… but it can also bring anxiety, emotional dependence, or deep sadness when disappointment arrives.
Understanding what happens in each stage helps us live relationships with more clarity, self-care, and compassion.
1) The Spark: Attraction
At the beginning, the body and brain enter the “positive alert”. The reward system is activated, and typical sensations appear:
- Enthusiasm, euphoria, butterflies in the stomach
- Frequent thoughts about the person
- High energy, less sleep, or less appetite
- Motivation to “give your best”
What happens in the brain? In this phase, dopamine, a neurotransmitter related to pleasure, motivation, and reward, often increases. Adrenaline/noradrenaline, associated with that feeling of acceleration, nerves, palpitations, and intense focus, are also activated.
Positive effect: can improve mood, self-esteem, and sense of purpose.
Negative effect: if the emotion becomes intense or unstable, it can increase anxiety, impulsivity, or unrealistic expectations.
2. Idealization: When Love “Paints” with Filters
Then, a very common phase appears: idealization. It’s not a lie or bad intention; it’s a way the brain focuses on what’s gratifying and minimizes what doesn’t fit.
It manifests as:
- Seeing the other person as “almost perfect”
- Justifying red flags (“he’ll change,” “it was just a bad day”)
- Thinking that this relationship “will finally solve everything”
Positive effect: strengthens the initial bond and trust.
Negative effect: can lead to ignoring boundaries, tolerating harmful behavior, or building a relationship on unrealistic expectations.
3. Attachment: Oxytocin and Emotional Security
Over time, many relationships move from “fire” to something more stable: attachment. Here, trust, mutual care, and a sense of home become important.
Which hormone stands out? Oxytocin, sometimes called the “bonding hormone,” is released with affectionate contact, emotional intimacy, hugs, sexuality, and caring gestures. Vasopressin, related to commitment and stability, also often participates.
Positive effect: promotes calmness, security, connection, and emotional regulation.
Negative effect: if there’s emotional insecurity, it can increase fear of loss, jealousy, or dependence.
4. Disillusionment: When Reality Lands
Disillusionment doesn’t mean love is over. It means the relationship has entered an adult stage: seeing the other person as they are, not as we imagined.
Differences in values or styles, conflicts over communication, time, priorities small or big disappointments
Positive effect: if handled well, it strengthens the relationship with real agreements, respect, and maturity.
Negative effect: if experienced as a threat, it can generate anxiety, resentment, or repetitive arguments.
5. Heartbreak: Emotional Grief and Psychological Care
When a relationship ends (or when it breaks internally, even if it doesn’t end), it can feel like a real grief. The mind loses an “emotional habit,” and the body responds.
Common experiences:
- Sadness, irritability, or emptiness
- Difficulty sleeping
- Lack of concentration
- Repetitive thoughts (“what did I do wrong?”)
This isn’t a weakness; it’s a human process.
When to Seek Help?
If for more than two weeks you experience:
- Intense sadness almost every day
- Marked loss of interest in activities
- Significant changes in sleep or appetite
- Isolation
- Thoughts of hopelessness
Seeking support (therapy, counseling, support networks) is a form of health, not failure.
Healthy Love vs. Hurtful Love: A Quick Guide
Healthy love looks like:
- Peace + emotion (not just intensity)
- Freedom with commitment
- Communication, agreements, and respect
- Clear boundaries without fear
Hurtful love often includes:
- Constant anxiety, vigilance, control
- Normalized jealousy
- Isolation from friends/family
- Guilt, emotional blackmail, threats
- Repetitive cycles of “I hurt you / I ask for forgiveness / I promise / it repeats”
If you identify these signs, it’s worth seeking professional guidance.
Three Practices to Care for Your Mental Health in the Month of Love
- Name the stage: “I’m idealizing,” “I’m in attachment,” “I’m in grief.” Naming it reduces confusion and guilt.
- Take care of your identity: a healthy relationship adds to, not erases, your life, goals, and self-care.
- Regulate before deciding: big decisions (ending, returning, confronting) are better made with a calm mind, not in the midst of emotional turmoil.
In the Month of Love, it’s essential to remember that loving not only means feeling but also caring. Caring for our emotions, boundaries, and mental stability. Healthy relationships strengthen self-esteem, promote emotional calmness, and bring balance to our lives.
Love can be a powerful source of emotional well-being when lived with respect, awareness, and self-care. Celebrating love is also promoting mental health.
TSS-MKT-6163-2026-B